The Unusual suspects

Every second wednesday of the month, my pub quiz team get together and compete in the Alligator lounge in Manhattan. Mrs Bacon will mind Kevin Jnr and Kelvin and I get to breathe a little. We are called "The Unusual Suspects" Kevin Spacey came up with the name but we had to drop him for everyones favourite spastic, Stevo Hawkins. Kevin was okay but Stevo is able to cheat by using the internet on his interface thingo. Thats his secret hes not really that intelligent its really just google giving him all the answers. We have to turn down his volume control though otherwise everyone hears the frickin' answers. We stuffed up last night though in the finals against Team Guttenberg. It was the final round and every member of the team is given a question. Heres how I remember the final questions, first up was Mel Gibson versus Tina Turner of Team Guttenberg- we all sang "We don't need another hero" to support Mel

QuizMaster: Which events lead to the start of the first world war ?

Mel hits buzzer: The Jews

Quizmaster: No I'm sorry, not the answer I was looking for

Mel: Goddammit the Jews are responsible for every frickin war there was, don't you guys get it yet, the only war there not responsible for is the War on poverty

Quizmaster: I'm sorry, Tina

Tina: The main event was the murder of Franz Ferdinand by Gavrilo Princip

Mel: Princip was a jew, you are all frickin jews"

Mel picks up his empty beer glass. I jump up and restrain him. Hawkins has wet himself with fear. Mel is frothing at the mouth and begin babbling arameic. This is not looking good for the Unusual Suspects.
Next up was Tom Cruise in a head to head with my old pal, Bono. Bono was a last minute call up by Guttenberg as Guttenbergs 14 year old male roommate from Cambodia is having visa issues.

Quizmaster: Who is considered the father of modern psychiatry

Tom : L R Hubbard, I mean Lord of all the thetans, its all bullshit every ailment can be solved by vitamins and exercise, even homo..

Bono: Freud

Tom: Bono, Freud is a goddam Fraud, he was just a homo himself, I mean really

By now Tom is doing his world famous couch dance. We have one last chance and his sittin in his own piss

Hawkins versus Winslow. Mike Winslow, Man of 10,000 sounds that noone wants to hear. This was a very memorable exchange

Quizmaster: What was the name of the first james bond movie ?

Winslow then does the best impression of Hawkins I've heard and says " Doctor No..... Spinal Cord". Well even Stevo laughed at that one

The 50 dollar bar tab went to Team Guttenberg. Me and Bono split the scene